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internal conflict

by system

****** im so sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry.  im sorry for ******* *** **.  please don’t get **** ** ******.  i broke my promise to ******* ***.  i couldn’t ******* **** either.  im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry

why am i sorry

why am i apologizing

to the person who destroyed me

what the fuck is wrong with me?

you did unspeakable things to me.  things i will never be able to forget or erase from this body.  i still have the scars, your name included.  i still have the wax burns.

i love you but i fucking hate your guts.  you’ve taken everything from me yet your manipulation lingers and deep down, I can’t get rid of that slave-like loyalty i have for you.  i can’t get rid of the feelings.  they conflict with my hatred for you.  my contempt.  my rage.  im completely broken.

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2 comments

jade2 3/13/2021 - 5:27 am

Don’t apologize. There’s no point.
This sense of claustrophobia will pass.
Just be thankful it’s over.
You can take a breather.

system 3/13/2021 - 1:06 pm

thank you, I’ll try my best.

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