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Meet Suicide show

by kooljool

Meet suicide show

I am laughing tears in my eyes continuously smiling struggling to be alive I don’t want to be alive any more more . I am feeling myself very hollow inside me anything I do I think it’s wrong or is going to go wrong because it’s in my hand.I cannot feel anything I am just like a rock just like a vegetable.Aur I am feeling everything   and that is making me  mad  making me crazy making me very eager to kill myself.

I am just tired of everything everything of my own mistakes wrongly taken decision yes I am a loser
nobody likes losers nobody feels everything about a coward yes yes I am a coward people think cowards does not even deserve to die they should be suffered I am so dumb I cannot even spell out everything in my brain

my mind is just shouting to just die but I cannot die because of my mum….. People are selfish my mum is selfish she is seeing that I am suffering but still because of her satisfaction she want just to not let go of me I cannot leave my mum I just cannot

I am laughing as my dopamine Rising at the top I want to scream but I can’t screen because a mum is is next to my room if I scream my mum will come and just ask me why did I scream and and I would not have any answer of that what would I say I am screaming out of my frustration

she will ask me what is your frustration she will ask me I am screaming if I will tell my firstration that I can’t study aur I don’t have any motivation for studying now I think I am Dum idiot that can’t study I don’t know how to study now I don’t know how to prepare myself for anything ………..just enough

I don’t even want to you on my mind don’t I want to comprehend then I can do anything I can’t do anything

after reading this post like after reading the whole post you would be also convinced that I am a coward I am a f****** coward you would think he is just stupid kid who does not have enough dare to to to do study to prepare himself for the exam ……………. He is just running from the ground running from the fight and in fact I am I cannot take it anymore and I accept that I am a coward and cowards and losers do not have any replace in this world so I just have to die I just have to

I could not study because I was distracted at first I used to do things or or unnecessary things that the that will not come in exam… I like to do programming build staff do robotics………….. But no one cares everyone wants the result in the exam and as this is not coming in the exam the whole programming thing I am just not smart

in fact this means that it by doing programming and doing robotics I just want fame and proudness by doing something that it that nobody in my class knows but the fact is what everybody knows that I don’t know which is actually coming in the syllabus.

And Fame does not get you the success so it means that I am going to do anything for the frame so it is just better to Die.

I know you would be thinking that it is stupid his stupid gai you would be not understanding any of this things I know how you can

and the thing is I don’t want Fame I just want to build stuff but nobody will understand this things because they just see the output of the result of the marks that I am getting in the exam no one will see the true potential{ and I know that you would be thinking that I am and I know that you would be thinking that I am bragging myself but I am not}………… This is the reason this is the reason that I want to die people don’t understand me people think that I am selfish I am not selfish

See the thing is I cannot study now when I try to study all thing that comes in my mind is about Python programs what what I can do with that and that is really not a good place to be in

I cannot concentrate on the study

so at the last it means that I am not going to concentrate on the current subject that I I would have given but I would do some destructive things that will decrease the productivity and that is really very bad and by this way I would be always the loser

it is way more better to die to suffer the things that I am going to do for my behaviour will do it is way more logical to just go and making new start where I can do anything

teachers also don’t like me because I don’t score in there exam how would they respond why would they respond if they are not getting anything from the student why would they put any any effort to that guy why would they why would anyone put any effort on a person who is really bad at everything who is covered at everything I cannot concentrate on the class I always do time pass which is really bad I know that but I can’t defend myself by it

if I tell my mum she will make some restrictions in my day today life and that will I will not like that it is just like making a mistake and does not have capacity to to suffer the conclusion of the mistake it is just like I will do the mistake but don’t furnish me and that is wrong

and by that nobody will care that I will die because the guy who is dying is a loser a coward a freak a loser I am a loser

if I tell anybody that I want to die in my physical life they would just tell me that what I have achieved in the life that I want to die that clearly means that the people who have achieved anything can die peacefully they have every right to die but the people who are losers like me the people who are cowards let me stupid like me e do not deserve to die they deserve to suffer

losers do not even have right to die aur kill themselves because they are f****** losers they have to suffer I am laughing at my condition I am laughing at my life f****** life

I really want to die die but I I am so coward to just attempt I tried to attempt at right to cut my hand but it does not work I tried to jump but when I saw the building the height I was just standing there weaving my body around does not have women dare to jump jumping around the floor cursing myself smiling laughing at my life shouting in my mind crying from outside but no one to see around I just want to die

I just want to die but I don’t know how to I just want to finish myself finish from the suffering I just want to finish myself from this mental torture

I have even made this i this site for my parents to see and my reason to die my feelings to die

they are in a recording that I am made

I have pursued it as a suicide show http://meetshow.ml/ it is a recording show of my suicide attempts


By any way I know that nobody cares in this forum I know you will say that it this person is running from the race out of the race

and I care what you say yeah really I care what you say that is why I am dying because but whatever you will say will affect me more it will make me more loser it will decrease my confidence more and more



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cherryblacks 3/26/2021 - 12:14 am

Hey so, I dont have the time to write a response to this right now even though I wish I could, but you sound really interesting (sorry if thats weird). I’m really sorry about all the things you’re going through. I checked out your website and all things considered it actually looks pretty cool. If you ever wanted to talk to anyone about anything you can email me at cherryblacksx@hotmail.com. I wont judge anything if you do choose to. Anyways, I hope life has something not so shit in store for you soon, you deserve it. good luck. you got this.

kooljool 3/26/2021 - 11:57 pm

idk …….I think i have done so much mistakes that i am not even allow to talk about it and not dissever to tell my feels
as sharing my state of mind with ppl will give me satisfaction(or rise dopamine) which i don’t dissever (even when i eat or do simple things like even stand ….my mind says that u don’t dissever to do any thing)

kooljool 3/27/2021 - 12:11 am

thank u for giving me u email and thank you for comforting me…..i dont think i diserver it but thanks

cherryblacks 3/29/2021 - 12:22 pm

Hey, sorry for getting back to you so late, I had a rough couple of days. I completely get what its like to feel like you don’t deserve to do/have things. I’m not gonna sit here and try and tell you to just ignore your thoughts and do things anyways because I know how hard that can be. But rather, I can tell you that you do deserve to talk about how you feel. You deserve to stand, eat, and everything else too. Sometimes it helps to hear it from another person. I believe that no matter how bad of a person you think you are, you still deserve someone to talk to. Anyways, no pressure or anything, but if you ever want to talk about anything, you can email me. You do deserve to talk about your feelings to someone after all.

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