Unfortunate.

For the last eight years, I have been acutely aware that my health is failing, but I have been too afraid to go to the doctor. I’ve tried to live my life as normally as I could but when the symptoms pop up, I always tell myself it’s one thing or another. I know what it is but I cannot/will not tell a single soul. Everyone would judge, and I do not trust anyone at all. The sad thing is, it’s entirely treatable. I just do not have the courage to get it looked at by a professional because the weight of a diagnosis would be too much to bear. So I push it all into the back of my head and pretend it doesn’t exist. Right now, I think it’s all coming to a head and I just can’t take it. While the stress is making it all feel worse, part of me is a little bit comforted by the confidence that this could all be over soon. I hate even saying that. I want to live, but I want to live a normal life. Anything less than that, to be honest, is just not worth it to me.