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by thedevilisclose

yep, no question about it now. im an alcoholic. “hubbys not in the room hurry take a drink” and the next thing i know the liter i bought last weekend for this weekend is gone. oops? is it a lot, not really. however lets keep in mind that i cant drink freely. which brings on the next question, how much would i drink if i was able to/alone? idk, most likely more. i hate living, everything about living is working against me and not feeling anymore is a god sent. i hate life. it doesnt even help


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system 4/20/2021 - 3:57 pm

the first step in 12-step is admitting you are an alcoholic.
I’m a recovered alcoholic (yeah, at 17. shit’s fucked). You may not be aware of it but the recovery process has already started.
I often remind people of this:
the minute you are drinking/snorting/heavily smoking alone instead of doing it socially, that’s the first red flag that confirms the fact that you have a problem.

I’m not going to tell you to stop drinking, because that’s just not at all how that works. What I will tell you is that this sickness can and will eat you alive from the inside. I hope that you reach the point where you want to pursue sobriety. You will only recover when you want to recover. A reluctant drug addict in rehab will relapse when they get out (and probably die depending on the drug, because their tolerance is lower than it used to be).

hugs x

thedevilisclose 4/20/2021 - 3:59 pm

“I hope that you reach the point where you want to pursue sobriety.”

not really, like i said ” everything about living is working against me” i dont really care i just dont want my husband finding out

system 4/20/2021 - 4:40 pm

I know, which is why I said I hope you eventually *want* to be sober. But if it doesn’t happen, that’s okay too. Right now, sobriety isn’t something you’re interested in (from what I can see, correct me if I’m wrong) and that’s okay. Just from the POV of someone who’s gotten sober, my body (physically) felt wayyyy better once I was around 2 or 2 1/2 months clean.

I don’t know what I’m even trying to say. Being an alcoholic was scary, I felt like I backed myself into a corner; (ik me saying this isn’t going to make any pain go away but–) I don’t want anyone to have to suffer like that, including you.

thedevilisclose 4/20/2021 - 5:18 pm

im grateful for you that you could become sober. thats awesome, but as far as im concerned, im sorry but your words are falling on deaf ears

system 4/20/2021 - 8:18 pm

also, I just saw your message and I know ab that, it’s sucky that WordPress doesn’t have the option to disable it. I’m gonna change it soon, it’s just the only one I can use atm

thedevilisclose 4/20/2021 - 8:36 pm

cool, just thought id let you know. hugs

Robert77 4/21/2021 - 12:13 am

I quit drinking 20 years ago because I was starting to destroy my life and my wife was already doing that so I just substituted it with more weed. I quit weed last year and lived most of 2020 clean. Im not going to lie it was an awful experience and already one of the worst years of my life due to covid lockdowns on top of it all. Going about it in depression without anything is a miserable existence to say the least. I then started using xanax last December and I was happy again. I had to ween myself off those and I am using Clonidines to do that and they work great. But recently I really want to drink again and Im struggling with it. Alcohol was my original drug of choice. But my son is destroying his life now on alcohol and in 3 month treatment so Im really trying not to start drinking again. I uped my dose of Clonidines and so far it works ok for now.

TheOpenRoad 4/21/2021 - 4:46 am

You know, alcohol really fucks you up. Personally I never found it worth overdoing it because of how crappy it feels to be hungover and out of cash. So imo, it’s better to be hooked on weed than drinking. There was a time I was smoking spliffs as freely as cigarettes, and it worked pretty well for me, financially and comfort wise. So I get that you don’t care about sobriety, but maybe it’s worth considering a different substance in the long run, for your husband or your comfort. Maybe even your liver.

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