I made a post yesterday about how I consider my depression of the last 50 years to now be a terminal disease (I am 59 so the math is easy). I had hoped that I would see some responses, suggestions, and or rebuffs and was sad that I did not, but then again. I am posting here so what should I expect.
I am still in the psych ward of the community hospital and have been here 4 nights so far with tonight to be number 5. I will definitely see number 6 here because I have been very honest and candid about how I feel and what I was planning that brought me here (Had I done it I would not have needed a ride here, as I would have gone right to the morgue) . Well the thought is still on my mind. Being here I am safe enough so I do not have any real practical way to do anything other than generate attention to me and I will not do that to the staff that are doing to help others here. I will only go for the sure thing.
I thought after the first few nights I would see things differently but I am not. If anything I am annoyed that I kept a promise to my wife (who is leaving me) that I would get some help before I proceeded with my plan. Well I kept that promise and came here. However when I leave I do not see myself any new promises. I am being candid and honest with the team here about all this. I find it easier to deal with two of the nurses and one of the tech’s easier than talking the Doctor. Part of that is I deal much better talking personal feelings with women than I do with men.
On Monday I am supposed find out whether a facility that works with more depression cases than general may take me (These type of units tend to have more people with substance abuse issues than anything else) so maybe i will find better ways and tools to deal with this. Who knows.
I have heard and said to people that things get better. My problem here is I am in my 4th cycle with this and my age and I am losing the vision of confidence in that.
I just wish I could see some sort of hope or light at the end of this dark tunnel.
Again, I welcome your comments. suggestions, rebuffs, whatever……
Thank you all