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Confused-Lost

by WhoamI_IDKanymore

Hey, new here. Confused. That’s all I can think lately. I’m stuck. I don’t know who I am. Am I the sporty girl in class with boy shorts and a random t shirt? Or am I the girl with nice necklaces and bracelets with a skirt and my hair down? My parents look at me like I’m crazy. As if I need to be told that. On Monday I’ll go to school wearing a mini skirt and a crop top with my hair down and vans shoes. And on Tuesday I’ll be wearing boy shorts with a t shirt and my hair in a ponytail with worn out broken sneakers. I feel happier on days like Tuesdays, more free, but then I feel like nobody likes me. That I need to be that Monday girl. And don’t tell me about being yourself crap because as much as I wish it did, the world doesn’t work that way. I don’t know what to do. But I can’t tell anyone. My classmates, the girls in my class think I’m ‘lucky’ or ‘really awesome at everything’ they think I’m so perfect. But they don’t see the broken side of me, the confused side, the lost side. Confused. Lost. Broken.

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4 comments

thedevilisclose 4/8/2021 - 4:45 am

As someone that’s been there / is there I was going to give you advice but you apparently don’t want it, that’s cool too

nobody else 4/8/2021 - 10:09 am

exactly. i hate the ‘just be yourself’ shit because if that was true we’d all be wearing last weeks sweatpants and a worn t shirt. i cant stand all the pop songs on the radio about being yourself when the divas singing them have had so many surgeries theyre not even human. my advice is to pick whatever personality elicits the best response from society and go with that look and fashion. whatever you want to achieve whether its getting a corporate job or being an athlete or finding a life partner to settle down in suburbia, whatever. manufacture the look that will get you there. the truth is we are manipulated by society but we can manipulate society right back.

darkwillow 4/8/2021 - 5:33 pm

I think the only problem is your own thoughts. You’re judging yourself really harshly. I knew a girl in high school who was super sporty but also very lady like. She was super sweet and dear to me. Clothes definitely dont define you. You’re throwing all of these worrying stressful thoughts at yourself and they’re not doing anything for you.

I’m not going to tell you to just be yourself, because no one really know what themselves is. But I do advice to stop thinking about who you are. Because I promise trying to answer these hard questions in life is like trying to catch water with a fishing net.

system 4/8/2021 - 6:21 pm

There’s nothing wrong with fluctuating your style.
And I’m going to tell you something that everyone needs to hear..
Some people just aren’t going to like you. It sucks, but it’s how it works.
I guarantee you that your classmates are far more concerned with the way that THEY present, not how you do. People are focused on themselves, anxious about themselves, etc. and they don’t have the time to have an internal dialogue about how outrageous it is that you had the *audacity* to wear a t-shirt (/s).

99% of the time, I either dress like I’m going to a rave or going to go smoke pot under a bridge or some shit. Dressing that way makes me happy, and if some stranger doesn’t like it then they can suck it up.

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