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I alienate people too much

by elleInWi

I seem to be on a never ending alienate spree towards my friends. I keep reminding myself to stop unloading my emotional drama baggage in their inboxes but i cant seem to stop myself. Almost like 1 of those social vampires and then like a dumbass i wonder why no1 will talk to me. Like dammit just stop it, stop what you are doing, you are killing them (not literally). But a part of me is on autopilot and is like well since we are at rock bottom lets just keep going til we see hell. I just feel so sorry for any1 who tries to be my friend because its like u have no idea what kind of mind torture is comin your way. I have to stay away from people for their own sanity’s sake. I just cant handle being close to anyone, my heart and mind just rejects any kind of friendship or relationship. Told 1 of my friends i was takin a long break for their sake cuz they dont deserve my depressed whining or my intense dramatic situations or basically anything/everything i feel like sharing with them. Im such a horrible friend. And i just wish they knew i dont mean to be like this, amd i dont understand why i do what i do cuz ive always been this way. I honestly might need to get back on meds to get myself to that even level instead of these intense highs n lows that make people run away from me.

7 comments
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7 comments

Abnormal.Thoughts 4/22/2021 - 8:49 pm

**Hugs**
Similar issues, just hugs, no advice.

elleInWi 4/23/2021 - 3:18 am

Thank u. Sometimes hugs is all a person needs

system 4/22/2021 - 9:09 pm

I wish I had some sort of advice, but I have yet to figure the same issues out for myself.

elleInWi 4/23/2021 - 3:20 am

Its okay if u dont have advice, most people dont n im fine with that

Robert77 4/22/2021 - 9:54 pm

I actually have a newer friend and she has cancer and she asked me a week ago what I want to do with my life and I said my life feels over and now Im ready to die. Then I apologized because I assumed because she is recovering from cancer she wants to live instead of die. I thought It was insensitive what I said and she said no I have it wrong and that she welcomes death just as much as I do. So we can be real friends and not have to hide how we really feel like we do with most everybody else.

thedevilisclose 4/23/2021 - 1:56 am

I do the same thing only my friends don’t leave. I know they won’t agree but I wish they would. I wish I could just give hollow ‘human’ responses, instead its day in and day out me just b*tching about my problems.

elleInWi 4/23/2021 - 3:23 am

Mine dont always leave but i excuse myself because they start feelin like our friendship is 1 sided and i dont want em to think its only about me so i stay gone til im “normal” again and try to keep the focus off me and my bs, but then somethin bad happens and i go back into my selfish debbie downer spiral

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