I seem to be on a never ending alienate spree towards my friends. I keep reminding myself to stop unloading my emotional drama baggage in their inboxes but i cant seem to stop myself. Almost like 1 of those social vampires and then like a dumbass i wonder why no1 will talk to me. Like dammit just stop it, stop what you are doing, you are killing them (not literally). But a part of me is on autopilot and is like well since we are at rock bottom lets just keep going til we see hell. I just feel so sorry for any1 who tries to be my friend because its like u have no idea what kind of mind torture is comin your way. I have to stay away from people for their own sanity’s sake. I just cant handle being close to anyone, my heart and mind just rejects any kind of friendship or relationship. Told 1 of my friends i was takin a long break for their sake cuz they dont deserve my depressed whining or my intense dramatic situations or basically anything/everything i feel like sharing with them. Im such a horrible friend. And i just wish they knew i dont mean to be like this, amd i dont understand why i do what i do cuz ive always been this way. I honestly might need to get back on meds to get myself to that even level instead of these intense highs n lows that make people run away from me.