I don’t get it. I’m trying my hardest but it gets worse every day. I push myself to my limits every single day. But. I. Can’t. Not anymore. Why didn’t I just do it that day? For the girlfriend that I refused to talk to for 5 days after and then lashed out at, forcing her to leave me because I was angry at myself for not commiting suicide? I should have done it. I don’t get why I didn’t. Now I’m even worse. I’ve been lying on the floor for about 20 minutes but I managed to crawl into my bed. I don’t really feel like doing anything more today. I don’t enjoy still being alive. I should have done it. I should have. I definitely should have done it.