I’ve been very depressed lately, trying to find a reason to pull it together. Such reasons don’t exist. It’s not worth the price I pay for less money and benefits than I need to pay my debts. I frankly don’t care if those debts EVER get repaid. I worked 16 years to get to where I stand today; destitute, hopeless, and fed up.
Today I had a number of people telling me to toughen up, take it on the chin, because that’s what I’m paid to do. Fuck that noise. If you want me to get tough, watch as I walk away from EVERYTHING this broken culture stands for. You don’t need me. You need a passive yes man, who will do your bidding no matter how cruel or insensitive you are. That’s not me. Oh well.
I still might off myself, the chain still looks awfully tempting. Oh well right? This is market forces at work, the thing that all the people other than me worship and dedicate their life to. I’m done. If my employer wants me to go, I will. No problem at all. I can’t work a job that refuses to allow me a side hustle that pays me so low that I can’t service my damn debt. I can’t get my tax return, I’m giving up on it, and everything else. I tried really hard to make it work, and I was willing to keep trying hard, up to today. Oh well, that’s what I get told when I ask for help. How about the rest of you fucking toughen up and learn to run an economy without me or anyone I can pull away from this toxic mess. Oh? Not ideal? Welcome to America, we screw everyone, that is unless they are very rich. Those people matter more than ANYONE ELSE. Fuck that. I know, swearing up a storm, probably more than I’ve said in one place ever before in my life. I’m done though. No one cares, and that’s just fine with me.