Yesterday I learned how difficult the next few weeks were going to be. Next next week I have three final projects due and an exam. The following week I have 3 exams and 1 final project due. And of course in between now and then I have smaller regular assignments due. It’s typical, but that’s just it. I just have to keep chipping away at it, at least that’s what I keep telling myself. And then the joke was set up. I was emailed about a co-op opportunity from one of the many companies I applied to and got rejected by. Some lady representative emailed me about this 5 month opportunity and to give her my resume. I was so excited. I saw the email and I said out loud to myself in my empty apartment “I’m not a failure.”. I of course immediately replied and told her I’d be happy to apply and started asking her questions. She replied quickly and answered all of my questions and I took that as a great sign that this could really happen. Of course I was an idiot. I asked her another question today after I didn’t get a reply for something innocuous, and she told me she didn’t know, but after looking at my resume that I might not be a great fit for the company. There’s the punchline. There it is. It was less than a day before the sadness and disappointment set in. I get that she wasn’t offering the job at the beginning and that she was looking around for candidates. I get it. I get that I was definitely not the only one she emailed. I get that there are more qualified people. I get that. But this joke that the universe likes playing on me still hurts. I’m just very tired. I was suppose to work all day on all the stuff that I have due, but I just wanted to sleep. There’s still a few hours in the day left, so I just have to drag myself out and keep chipping away at it. It’s rather tiring. I think one of the saddest aspects about all this is how I immediately called my parents and told them about it and how I had a good feeling about it. How I should start planning to find an apartment at Arlington and what I should do about school and all that. I haven’t told them that I probably won’t get it, I’m just too tired. My stomach has been hurting for the past few days. I’ve been eating like shit and I stopped jogging a while ago. I just haven’t had time (more like too tired to). All these jokes being played on me have got me worn down. I don’t really think I can keep smiling through them all. At least I still have a job lined up for the summer. And I’ll be back home so I could try seeing her (to probably no success). I won’t have to put college on hold and graduate later than I am supposed to, changing my degree plan and all that. And finally I know now for sure that where I stand.