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Traumatized again

by Robert77

So I had to split from my ex wife with BD/BPD again after 4 months and I made the mistake of texting her yesterday and telling her I will unblock her in a year. Well I let her text me back and got a big pity party from her like usual. I know she was trying to suck me back in and she is good at it. I had to block her then again. I haven’t got past it yet and can’t stop thinking about her. All the pain came back on me also. She is very good at the intermittent reinforcement and I feel so traumatized by it with real dark things going on in my head. I know she is probably severely broke now because I can hear it in her voice. Im a musician so I can read her by the tone of her voice but her eyes captivate me so I can’t read them. I want to text her back so bad and tell her if she wants some money then she is gonna have to give me some P***y lol. No P***y no money so come on over shut up and lets not make this any more complicated than it has to be. Is that messed up or what. Thats a can of worms for sure. I can’t get this out of my head and I feel so damaged now. I just took a bunch of clonidine today and went back to bed. I can’t let her back into my life until I heal if ever. Probably should be never at this point. If I caught her at the right time we could be partners like the ones we are not suppose to have here if you know what I mean. I just want to scream at her and say you f**king did this to me are you happy!

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3 comments

TheOpenRoad 4/23/2021 - 12:15 am

I’m sorry dude. I hope you’re doing ok so far without her. The sex thing is messed up. You’re right, you shouldn’t open this can of worms.

thedevilisclose 4/23/2021 - 1:49 am

From what I’ve read for your own mental health (if I’m remembering things you’ve commented on the past right) it’s good to realize that its her disorders and to forgive her under those circumstances as it is difficult for one with disorders to not. However for your own mental health I also feel it’s good for you to not go back.

Forgive and forget but do not return. Hugs

Robert77 4/23/2021 - 2:31 pm

Yes thank you for that wisdom. I do forgive her because she is mentally ill and its hard for me to blame her for all she has done. It has also opened me up to let her back into my life but I have finally reached that point where I can’t if I want to get better myself. I am trying to leave the area now because I don’t trust myself. Im on the edge and need to start healing again. I have to let her go now and its so very hard.

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