I wonder when I stopped caring about myself. When I started thinking that I’m useless. Beyond repair. Helpless. Someone that no one could ever genuinely enjoy spending time with. I’ve never belonged anywhere. I’ve never felt like I’ve belonged anywhere. I’ve never had any real dreams. I’ve never really wanted to accomplish anything. The very few people that I ever care about always end up leaving me. And I’m not sure if it even hurts. My heart hurts, but I feel indifferent. I feel completely detached from myself. Like the things I feel are feelings from another person. I want to cry, but I can’t. I want to be able to feel what I’m feeling deep inside, but I can’t. I want to let it out, but I can’t. If someone asks me how I feel, I don’t know how to respond. It seems like a simple question. “How are you?” It always makes me uncomfortable. Does anyone ever respond honestly to that type of question? Usually you just say “Fine”, or “Good”, no matter how you feel. It’s just the norm. If you say anything else, you’re off the normal script and the responses you get are usually rather confused or worried. I like to say “I don’t know”, because usually, that’s true. Right now I’m not sure if I feel anything. It feels weird. I should feel sad, or angry. Anything, really. But I don’t feel anything at all. Not any emotions anyway. I should feel ashamed of myself. I should feel lonely. I should be angry at myself. Sad. But I’m not any of those things. Maybe I’m restless? I shouldn’t be. I’ve been feeling extremely tired all day, and now. Nothing. I don’t even feel tired. Or hungry. I don’t understand this. It doesn’t make sense. I don’t think I’m confused. Or curious. I really don’t feel anything right now. I don’t understand.