I had off today for Memorial Day. It was nice to have a 3 day weekend before having to put my head under the water again this week. That’s what this job feels like. Holding your breath under water. And those little moments when I’m not at work is like coming up for air and gasping only to have my head pushed under again. I just need to make it to August. I keep saying that, but you know. I finally got my medication again. Since I’ve been off these medication for a long time I was told to take only half the dosage for the first week. This kind of made me wonder how long it even takes to work. For prozac it apparently takes 4 to 6 weeks to feel the full effects. Since I’ve never been really good at keeping up with it, it’s possible I’ve never really seen the full benefits of it. I want to change this. However, it does say you will feel some of the effects for the 1st – 2nd week. It kind of sucks that I’ll still have to deal with all the mental stress for most of my internship. The last two days of last week was not horrible, but still had their moments of awfulness. I just need to hold on. I think what bums me out the most out of all this is that it’s not hard. What I am told to do is extremely simple. But for some reason it’s hard for me. No normal person would be struggling like I am. If anything, they would do better. So how am I supposed to make it out when things get real hard. How am I supposed to live the rest of my life with a career like this. I don’t know if I even like engineering that much. But I’ve set myself up for 5 years of college for this. Technically more since my high school was engineering focused. I’ve spent a lot of my time on this, so just to throw it all away is scary. It’s like I’m too afraid to do anything else, but I’m too afraid of what I’m doing now. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. On a happy note I’ve started to have weekly calls with an old friend of mine. He also works in a production plant, but in another state and during the night shift. He has Fridays and Saturdays off usually, so on Friday nights before I go to bed and when he wakes up we have a nice hour long or so talk about whatever. It’s usually me talking about how I feel about this whole thing and him being nice and listening. But we also talk about whatever like what we are watching or if we know what certain people are up to from highschool. I think it’s important for me to have something to look forward to every week. My last internship I found a local comic book shop that would have Friday Night Magic with a handful of people. I was never any good at it, but it was just fun to sit down and play with people. They were a real odd group. One guy was in his 50s and had kids that had already grown up, but he was the nicest dude to talk to. Once the internship was over, I had to say goodbye, and I haven’t talked to them since. I’ve tried going to other comic shops to play, but all the other ones had dozen of people and I always feel intimated by the large crowds. The one before had maybe 5 regulars who showed up every week and were on first name basis. Well, I think that’s all I want to talk about right now.