I don’t really feel like I am heard now, so to be heard no more will not make a difference. There is absolutely something to look forward to knowing the certainty of it. If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it does it still make a sound? If a person cries out for help and no one hears them are they still in pain? It makes me feel pathetic sometimes that I have to pay someone to listen to me. At the same time, I would choose to not listen to me either so I sort of understand where I am.
There is a book called “The Unbearable Lightness of Being” that uses lightness and heaviness as themes and how to be happy the light characters who have no purpose and drift aimlessly have to find something to weigh them down and the heavy characters who are overburdened need to find lightness to lift them up. I feel light and heavy at the same time. The lightness comes from having no connections to anything in this world, I can do whatever I would like, yet I cannot find joy or peace in anything I choose to do. At the same time there is this heaviness of self-hatred and despair. I seem to have the worst of both worlds.
Until I am heard no more, I suppose.
2 comments
Wow, I can really relate to that lightness and heaviness. I’ve had a number of people tell me “you can do anything you want” or something like that, and yet I can’t really think of anything I do want that’s in any way realistic. Most of the things I choose to do eventually become a burden.
Yeah that what’s wrong with the you-only-live-once-so-make-the-most-of-it-while-you-can pep talk. Make the most of what? 0 divided by anything is still a gaping 0. Embracing either lightness or heaviness won’t change that.