I tried to commit suicide when I was 20. I’ve lived a lifetime since then.
My suicide attempt cost me the only friend I ever had. I started seeing doctors and therapists then, hoping that if I could fix myself I’d get my friend back. I write to her every year. 18 years now. And I never hear back. Still I keep trying even though I know it will never happen.
The question I have the hardest time answering for myself is why didn’t I try again? I don’t have an answer I suppose. Some sort of belief that maybe if all the stars align I might make a friend again one day. The logical part of me doesn’t believe that of course. After failing so many times it is near impossible to believe. Oh well.
I’m sorry Em.