And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death

I think that is the path I am heading down.  It seems as though everything in my life has pointed me to this… Nothing in my life has ever really made any sense.  I’ve worked so hard and for what?  What do I have to show for all of this suffering?  A meaningless life surrounded by no one.

I can’t keep waking up every morning thinking that today is going to be different.  I’ve lived 14,000 days or so… why would today or tomorrow be any different?  Why would I think that “today I am finally going to make a friend”.  I have had one friend in my life and she was only around for 5 years.  That is a long time and I’m thankful I did have that experience but what am I doing wrong?  Maybe friendship isn’t all I imagine it to be, but it has to be better than the nothingness I experience.

I’m not sure it matters anyway.  This will all be forgotten soon.