Anxiety or Depression

You can’t really have both at once. When you are depressed nothing matters to you and everything is pointless. When you are anxious everything matters and it’s all so big and important. Yesterday wasn’t so bad at work. In the morning I felt horrible anxious and I felt like talking to anyone was this big ordeal. Whenever the managers were talking and saying “Well he saw this” or “He said such and such” and pointed at me when talking about the results I found from the task they asked me to do, I felt awful. I thought “why is anyone asking me for anything? Why are decisions going to be made because of what I did? Why am I in charge of anything?”. Anxiety attack after anxiety attack. The first four hours felt longer than they’ve every been. Then after lunch, I was just asked to do pointless busy work. Laminating a bunch of stuff, sorting screws and bolts, etc. I was glad to be doing things that felt like I couldn’t screw up, but then depressed that this is all I would be really capable of. “This is all you will every amount to. They realized you’re a screw up and won’t ask you to do anything else” It was crazy how night and day it felt. I kind of stopped caring about being there. I wasn’t really nervous or bothered by talking to anyone. Nothing mattered. I noticed it in the tenor of my voice. When I’m anxious my voice is higher and softer than normal. I notice it when I talk and I seem to do it involuntarily. But then I talked normally. I just found it very odd is all. I mean it was nice to be taking a break from the horrible anxiety attacks, so it was nice. But the depression was still a bit of a bummer. That shift between horrible anxiety attacks to depression was just bizarre is all.