Well I finally got to tell my ex wife how I really feel about her and man she got angry. I told her she had one last chance and she blew it so Im done with her forever. She threw in my face that I have abandon our son because he is going to jail soon for his second DUI/DWS and a bunch of other violations. I told her to take a look at him because she is the one who did that to him. She then tells me she will never let me control her and live by my rules. First off she is BPD/BD and uncontrollable and then I told her Im so sorry but I only had one rule and that is “Don’t be a whore” then I had to block her because she is going to go off if given a chance. Im scared she will show up and bust out the windows on my car with a bat again. Yes she has done that and can get very violent. Stupid me should have never given her another chance but I have always loved her very much. I really think Im finally done for good with her now. She has only proven to me that she has gotten worse throughout the years and not better. I had hope but thats gone now. I am very hurt and grieved it all turned out this way. I really did the best I could to help her but she didn’t want it although she desperately needs it right now. I will never understand her and Im finally done trying. This situation has pushed me closer to the edge unfortunately. Just took a bunch of valiums early and can’t wait for them to kick in.
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Heh, I remember that point with my ex wife. I can’t say I’d handle it any differently. I can say that a decent coparenting relationship IS possible with someone with BPD, because I have experienced it.
Separate out the issues; if you can’t trust her in a relationship (which seems a valid take), don’t have a romantic one. I can tell you I work full time with people breaking up, and it never goes well if you involve the kid with it. Leave him out, sounds like he has troubles enough of his own.
I encourage you to look inward. Yes, this relationship is dying or dead. That makes your ex wife old news apart from working out the details necessary to coparent. Yet you matter. You’re hurting now, and somewhere earlier there was something you could have done differently, don’t you think? In my case it was that I could have figured out my ex wife was toxic when we were first dating. Many other mistakes were made, but that was the critical one that allowed for all the rest.
Guard your heart, it is a sacred country for you and those you can trust most. Sometimes you do your best, and it still ends up in the shit. I want you to remember that isn’t your fault, but also that it is temporary.
I can only imagine how tired you look man. I seriously feel sorry for the things you put yourself thru, because youre torn like u can easily walk away from her but then guilt hits like “i cant have her victimize any1 else” so then u take her back so she can use you as her own pin cushion. ::hugz:: i really do hope u free yourself from this toxicity at some point. U deserve better!
Well damn if you put it that way lol. Im really trying to get out of here and move at least 500 miles from here. I came to a realization that she never will get better and when she seems like she is its a lie and a facade. Thank you for the hugz and kick in the ass that I needed. If my sister finds out I gave her another chance she would kick me in the ass.
No prob 😉 n it sounds like u have a great sister!
You do deserve better. Relationships are tough. To stop loving someone is just out of your control. And people can be hurtful. I’m glad you told your ex wife this was her last chance. Divorces happen. People get through it. Maybe your ex just isn’t doing very well emotionally. Maybe neither of you are in a place mentally to invest in this relationship. Maybe you should focus on helping yourself right now. She’s always going to be around if and when you want to speak to her. You need your attention right now, not her.
We divorced 3 years ago but have split up many times before that in the last 25 or so years. She always comes back usually when she is broke but this time she was just so off she couldn’t even hide it. I was obviously not doing so well myself as y’all know. I told her this was it and for the first time I was actually mean to her and said some very hurtful things to her. She did deserve it but I normally don’t do that. I wanted her to know I have had enough. Love is unconditional but relationships are not. She never understood that concept.