Just got back from behavioral services because human services referred me to see someone. I havent seen a therapist/psychiatrist since i was court ordered after bein in winnebago mental health institute for 1yr back when i was 18/19yrsold. Not gonna lie, itll be nice to have someone help me with my paranoia. She went through all her questions and i relieved alot of my past suicide attempts, my self injuries, my hospital stays. The tragedies that made me who i am today. She also assured me the docs there are super great and dont just dismiss people as if theyre incurable. So im actually optimistic about this. Even tho i was going to attempt again if 1 more bad thing happened to me. I seriously cant take any more bad news. I want good things to happen to me dammit. Maybe bein on the right meds will also help me stop alienating people and help me keep jobs n friends. This lonely life has left me lost in my thoughts but talkin to that woman for 1 1/2hrs really made me feel better and helped me forget about all the horrible things i want to do to myself. Its also helping that ive cut ties with all the people who only do weekly checks on me to see if im still alive. A simple “my life is not your problem nor does it affect u in any way, so quit acting like u give a s***” and just left it at that.