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taking down my defenses

by heartlessviking

Eight days out from my next therapy appointment, and I’m working my homework. The challenge; why do i do what I do, what IS the point?

This is a good therapist, she ripped through my defenses that I like to imagine myself at war with these giant forces, ones that I likely can’t move. I’ve thrown myself really hard into that over the last few years as I slowly but surely felt greater and greater doubt about whether there is a place for me in my current career field. Not as such. I have already decided I want to move elsewhere. I have already decided that outside of this experience, I don’t want to go on in the “helping” profession. Certain essential parts of it argue with who I thought I was.

So, terrifying as it is, I’m thinking about leaving behind almost everything I’ve worked on for the past 15 years. I like being able to afford my lifestyle. I like sleeping soundly and not having to worry about work. I like not being complicit in a system that I find to be inherently corrupt. Still trying to work out what those values mean for me, and my future, but I don’t have to do what I’m doing, and there certainly isn’t much financial incentive to try.

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Once 5/12/2021 - 11:19 pm

Take the leap of faith. If you feel like you need a change, its because you do. I feel stupid telling you this, you already realize it. I still remember a night in 2011 when an epiphany finalized itself in my mind and I quit a job as a long haul driver to do…something different. I had no real idea where I was going or what was going to happen, but finances weren’t an issue and my gut was in control. Its been a ride the last ten years…I made a bad choice 4 years ago thats cost me dearly, but the choice in 2011 to walk away and do something else…I’ll never regret it. Take a chance…follow your heart, all else be damned. You’re too bright and driven to fail.

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