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by sadboisoulja

ever since i was young i always planned to end my life at the age of 18. it’s been months since i turned 18 and i’m still alive. i don’t know why. there really isn’t much to live for. things have been lonely for a long time, but maybe it’s better that way. humans as long as they live will always have an emptiness inside them that will never be filled. it’s really strange. one person’s happiness is built on the misfortune of others. i hate people. i hate myself. what right do i have to feel happy? i’m just a piece of shit. i really don’t want this shitty life. everyday i think about ways of harming myself. there’s been several times where i considered just grabbing a knife and stabbing my eye. sometimes i’ll just look at all the medicine and drugs in the drawers and i’ll just want to take it all. i get hallucinations everyday. i honestly don’t even know what’s real anymore. the more i dream the more real it feels and i just can’t tell the difference between a dream and reality anymore. i’m thoroughly exhausted. i just don’t feel scared anymore. i’m going to take my life very soon. i’m at a stage where nothing will change my mind. i want to be free. i want to be forgotten. i just can’t do this anymore.

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JackN182 6/25/2021 - 12:56 am

I planned the same thing too. All my life I’ve been afraid of one word. Future. An unknown void of endless possibilities. And it scares the shit outta me. What I wasn’t afraid of was dying. I tried and failed. I did find a brief moment of peace in thinking I was gonna die. But there’s tiny piece that it glad to live to see another day. I still feel empty at times, alone and separated from the world even if I wasn’t. I think you should reconsider offing yourself. I acted on impulse and didn’t think rationally. Take time and think, really think every part because there’s always that one factor that keeps you alive or sane that you always forget.

Christina_the_Cat 6/26/2021 - 10:26 pm

If you commit suicide, you won’t be forgotten: someone you don’t expect to might grieve. Maybe there is a reason to live, but it’s hidden from you for the moment. Maybe one day, you’ll discover it. There must be a reason why millions of years of evolution have led to you. You’re not a piece of shit, but a human being created to search for meaning and, sooner or later, find happiness. It’s normal not to know what’s real: who can say they fully understand reality? There’s a reason why philosophers have debated for thousands of years about metaphysics and still haven’t figured it out. Listen to music, take a walk outside and look at the wonders of the universe. Despite the sufferings, there’s still beauty in the world and it’s worth it.

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