I was molested around once a week for two years starting when I was 7. It wasn’t traumatic for me at the time. I didn’t know what was happening. It wasn’t violent. It wasn’t until a couple of years after it ended that I realized what happened and had some bad reactions.
I’ve always wondered how it affected me. I don’t have PTSD or anything. I don’t have thoughts about it or fears from it. Yet I’ve never been able to form relationships. I don’t know. I’m not sure it matters.
I’ve always found the concept of infinity interesting. If the universe is infinite then there is another world out there with another me where everything is the same except I was never a childhood sexual abuse survivor. I’ve always wondered how that person turns out.
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From personal experience, inability to form relationships following childhood sexual abuse is part of PTSD. As someone who has C-PTSD and PTSD (different occasions caused them) I’m telling you that it’s normal to think that you’re unaffected by it and here’s why: the abuse was all you knew. It WAS the norm. That’s why it seems like it hasn’t changed anything. If you try to unearth the feelings attached to it, you will probably realize the kind of havoc it’s wreaked on your emotional development.
I have spent a lot of time talking about it but I do not believe it caused any havoc. I can never be sure of course… but I don’t know that it matters anyway. I have tried many things and I can’t fix me. Whether my childhood caused it or not doesn’t make a difference.
I am sorry to hear you have experienced so much trauma.
I’m not sure what to say? I’ve never been abused, if you feel it was no big deal I think that’s a good thing. Far as relationships go finding that right person your soulmate is really hard to do. You will know when you do.
I have C-PTSD but its from a marriage for 25 years with a Borderline PD. If you haven’t formed any relationships yet then whats going on inside you seems calm right now but you will eventually get into a relationship and thats when you find out what damage may or may not been caused. Im sorry for what you have been thru and hopefully just working thru it now will help in the future for you.
Thanks for your thoughts. I’m not young, I am 38. There I’ve had many opportunities to form relationships and can’t. I’ve spent decades in therapy and with doctors. There is no future for me.
Well Im 58 so 38 is still young to me. I find I can no longer form relationships myself at this point. When I try they fail miserably like my last one that ended a week ago. That one lasted 2 months. Now Im seeing my ex wife again and that is never a good thing for me.