Again, I spend so much time wishing this was over. The only actual reason to be alive is for my mum. I have one online friend, 2 others I’d say are acquaintances.
I don’t even like using the word friend, but I know I’ve used it before, and this person considers me to be their friend (who the heck would want to be my friend? I’m an idiot…)
Those 3 people will be completely fine without me. One has a boyfriend, another seemingly has a few friends, and another, I’m not really sure of.
I had a chance 2 years ago to not screw up the relationship with my ex and if only I had spoken up and done the ‘right’ things, we would be living together. He made me feel good, despite him having done things that are questionable (I’ve done the same).
I can’t really be bothered to put in the effort with these 3 people anymore. One of them is really lax in that regard, we just talk whenever, not any worries about the other, except on occasion, I guess. They all seem nice enough, doesn’t mean I’m suddenly liking humanity. ‘nice’ people isn’t enough to keep me here, in short this world sucks and there’s multiple reasons why.
Still tormented about my dad, and his death, despite him being abusive.
Can this be over???