As an idealist, I’ve spent most of my life within my own head. I tend to thrive in environments where I am left to my own devices. Yet rather suddenly I have begun to doubt who I am. I have worked in social services for most of my career, and last month I finally realized that it wasn’t working because I valued myself too much to endure the environment. That seems like a pretty high bar, and that’s because it is. Most of my employers have been some degree of evil/corrupt, and that’s just the cost of entry to the workforce around here.
I have some ideas for what to do with my new found freedom, here is a short list;
I could go work with disabled children (which would be staying in my lane)
I could teach school (less staying in my lane, but still in the same territory)
I could write software (entirely divergent from the others, not something I know much about)
I could build my own small business (current ideas include bakery, landscape design and building custom furniture)
The problem though is that these all sound great. Some of them likely have issues which will be a deal breaker for me. That takes time and money, things that are diminishing by the day. So what do I do? Jump and trust? How can I do that after the horrible career struggles I’ve had and my parents have had? What is real, and what is illusion? I haven’t found a more effective test than going to push against things. Most things that people say about careers are at the very least manipulative and deceptive. At worst the gaslight us to make it all our problem, all the while the relationship benefits them far more than us.