I been trying really hard to change myself. Maybe to always find that one reason to keep going. Even though i havent responded. I read all the comments people give for feedback. I appreciate it all. Especially the goodness and wisdom ya’ll share. Well 2021 turns to be the year I’m facing legal trouble. I been holding a job the last 3 months. So yay me! I always been a job hopper or dont last long. So, being able to stay at a job is an improvement. I just need way better money management skills and live below my means which make me feel poor. Please Pray that I beat my legal troubles. I actually turned to Christianity as crazy as it sounds. I’m trying for first couple times in my life, to really have faith and hope. Faith- the evidence of the unseen. Hope- always faithful that tomorrow will be a good day. I know that isn’t how life works. But changing mindset is such a power feeling if you learn how to control your emotions. Your feelings are a beast. Sometimes you can ignore them like sleep or hunger. But sometimes you can’t, which is for me, depression or anxiety. Or should i say extreme anxiety. You’re super worried about the future especially with legal troubles. I could be facing prison down the road. What messes me up, this is truly insane. I feel like i deserve to be punished. I been so miserable for so long, i feel that’s all im worthy of. My own insane mind enjoys pain. I don’t think i will ever truly understand myself. Maybe its because of the emotinal deprivation. Its sad to say i haven’t
felt love or affection towards someone in years. I guess that’s a true psychopath? No feelings towards anything. The wires of my brain been disconnected from reality for so long. How can i be emotionally intelligent with really no feelings toward anything or anybody. Maybe money or lust lol. Just the normal exciters. Its really to do with my heart. I feel no love down there in my chest. I actually hate the world. The world is just obsessed with money ( GREED) and social media is just to feed people’s egos. I can agree social media might do some good in the world like education. There’s just too many fake guru’s or everybody is selling pipe dreams or everybody thinks they know everything
I always been a skeptic to the internet. Would you trust people over the internet? Most people would take your money and run. Or of course, overpriced courses. Alot of information is free if you look in the right places. Sorry for the baffle. I could write books and i been considering that. Since i read alot and feel like i could catch people’s interests. Keep me in your prayers todamnbad lol
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
3 comments
Best of luck as you walk a path of positive change. You sound like you really want it, and maybe that will be important as you navigate all the uncertainty. If faith works for you, then utilize it. Rely on and engage with what works for you. Congrats on the job – I’m coming up on three months also at a new job, after a year of unemployment. Its nice to have a reason to wake up each morning. Good for you!
I’m glad you’re feeling better!! And its awesome you’ve had your job for three months, I have yet to get mine lol. Good on you 🙂
I am sooo glad for you, my dear brother! 😀 Yes, of course I’ll pray for you. There is always hope, and if you ever find yourself feeling despaired know that our Lord Jesus Christ is with you:
““Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God[a]; believe also in me.” John 14:1
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27
If you wish, ask God to help you solve your problems, surrender it all to Him, it is the best feeling ever, like being a child in the arms of his beloved mother or father <3
About money management, I haven't had to fend for myself in the real world yet, but I can offer this:
– I used to keep a list, where I would note down each time I spent money on something, how much, and the date. Each month I would re-count my money. There are mobile apps for this out there, too, that simplify the process. Perhaps you could try them? ^^,
– I'm not too knowledgeable about the laws and finances. However, there are many places/people that for some strange reason try to rob my parents, so it's important to know what the law says, and to hand in a complaint paper each time they're not doing their job (otherwise things don't get done).
Please, surrender your depression or anxiety to the Lord our God, if you wish ^^, Whenever I have some problem, I place it all in His Wonderful Hands, and He keeps strengthening me, keeps helping me, keeps guiding me. For example, yesterday I felt a deep despair at my seemingly infinite Uni work and duties, and He was there with me, He shared with me the following verse through the YouVersion Bible app's daily verses (as He often does):
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34
I also note down all that He has done for me so far, and it makes me Love Him sooo much! Truly, He is our one true parent, the Perfect Parent! <3
If you have a discord account, if you wish I could get you into a discord chat with myself and a fellow brother in Christ, we strengthen each other a lot!
"For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them."" Matthew 18:20
I love you sooo much! 🙂