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Ironically “happy”

by Abnormal.Thoughts

Okay, this makes absolutely no sense…

Life: Stable, well paying job, home, family, toys, time.
Me: Depressed, suicidal, takes negative coping mechanisms back for relief including cutting, getting high, and drinking,  absolutely miserable, can’t focus, hates everything.

Life: Laid off the day after my 11th anniversary, jobless, unemployment screws me because I was given severance and my vacation time was paid out, away from family, no bed to call my own, barely eating because I apparently stay with people who also don’t eat regularly, little to no sleep for several reasons, selling the toys to pay for a move across country, away from everyone and everything I know all by myself for weeks with at least a month to go before I see them, missed Father’s Day, going to miss my husband and daughters birthdays, living out of a suitcase, job hunting, house hunting, car decides the starter is going to be a shithead. BARELY ANY COFFEE!
Me: Oooo, fun. Not depressed or suicidal most of the time, not cutting, not doing drugs or drinking, not zoning out of life entirely.

Seriously, I don’t even know myself anymore. I took my exit plan to work with me, I had a gut feeling I was being laid off because we had just lost a lot of work and we knew layoffs were coming, I figured I wouldn’t survive that news. I know I thrive on change, and I love big changes, but come on brain, get with the program, why do you hate what’s good for you.

I haven’t had much time to keep up with everyone here, I hope you are all doing as well as can be expected considering.

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2 comments

Once 6/21/2021 - 10:31 pm

“Seriously, I don’t even know myself anymore.”

likeastone 6/22/2021 - 7:14 pm

Sometimes happy is just…well…boring. And that’s pretty depressing.

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