No justice, no hope

Today should have been a good day, a few things went quite well, but all that is overshadowed by the words of a local lawyer “I don’t think that your case is actionable”. I appreciate the serious mindedness of lawyers, but they are a discouraging lot. I can’t sue my former employer for wage fraud or hostile work environment. In the opinion of this lawyer, I don’t have a case.

I have trouble forcing myself to care, about anything at this point. If I had achieved my ends I would currently be in a quite lush hospital, out of my mind, and potentially with a better case against my former employer. But no, we “saved” me by bailing before my brain melted. I don’t want to look forward to anything. I don’t want to deal with another human being, ever. Clearly the gulf between my morality and the morality of society is too wide to ever be crossed. I don’t fit, and it’s unclear if I ever even could.

I thought about contacting the crisis line, but for what? I get grief from my therapist for it, and half the time it doesn’t help anyway. I’m lost, really most completely. I started trying to pull the strings of my life together, then I got into a car accident due to my own inability to focus. Now my car is running funny, and it’s unclear if it will ever really be safe for me to drive again. Granted, as long as it is just me, car crashes have a high fatality rate, it would be an appropriate curtain on what has been an ignoble and pointless existence.