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Suicide Sooner

by ravenna121

Existing is so painful. I’m severely depressed and very mentally disturbed. I can’t find it in me to do anything anymore. I should be writing my chemistry notes right now to secure a passing grade on my upcoming exam, but my depressed self keeps saying “Fuck it”. I can’t even get myself to read all of those books that I was excited to read after finishing my AP exams. They’re just sitting there on my desk as reminders of how much of a pathetic time waster I am. And I tried to tell my dad about everything that’s going on but he just told me that I’m being ungrateful and that it isn’t possible to be depressed without any outside source to stimulate such a feeling. So I’m basically fucked and can’t get the treatment I need (unless I’d like to get disowned, that is). I had previously set a suicide date for August of next year, but right now I think that I want to kill myself on a way sooner date than that. Living my painful, pitiful existence is not worth seeing my brother turn 18 and finally becoming an adult or experiencing the relief of finally graduating high school or finding out how well I did on my first AP exams. I don’t care anymore. I just want to die, and I know I do because I’ve spent multiple sleepless nights thinking it over.

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kb103 6/8/2021 - 5:25 pm

in my experience the procrastination that you get from depression is one of the hardest aspects you can deal with because it’s a lot of pressure on something you know you should be doing but are physically unable to, given you’re posting on here i assume you have a phone or laptop or something, so what i’d recommend is once a day or once every few hours depending on when the exam is you take down a couple sentences for your notes so it’s minimal effort that will still get your notes finished, in terms of book reading see if there’s an audiobook of some of these things online because it might be easier to listen to it when you don’t have the energy to read it all. the fact that you’re on here venting about your issues is a good step to helping your mental health as a lot of people here will have similar experiences. so feel free to always talk even if some days you feel you don’t have much to say the people on this site are always willing to listen 🙂

Phantotzi 6/14/2021 - 2:54 pm

Are you italian , if you are feel free to talk with me

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