This past Thursday was my first session with my new counselor. She must be the sixth counselor I’ve had in my life. I’ve always gone off and on and off and on therapy for god knows how long. The reason changing over time. But it always ended the same. I never felt like it was worth it. But I don’t think I ever really tried. This time I might as well give it a shot. Overall it was a productive first session. I was able to communicate well throughout and she gave me some stuff to do before the next session. This past week wasn’t so awful. Although I did my best to stay out of sight of everyone and waste time doing nothing. I’m essentially robbing these people of 9.50 an hour. Although I’m probably not as sneaky as I think I am. They probably know I spend my time doing fuck all, but they’re probably too busy or too disinterested to tell me anything. I should really try harder this week. I was fortunate to be given this job so the least I could do is try to make myself useful. This Friday marks half a year. I haven’t heard a single word from her in half a year. Any rational person would say she’s gone and that she’s not coming back. Whether she’s in such a bad place she can’t talk to me, she hates me, or she just plain forgot about me, I’ll likely never hear from her again. Yet I still send her a message every few weeks. Just to let her know that I’m still here if she ever feels like talking again. That’s probably all I can do. I will say though that I’m not as sad about it anymore. Sure it still hurts a bit to think about how I don’t know how she’s doing. If she’s ok or not. But I think I’ve accepted that I just won’t ever see her again. She still means a lot to me, but at the end of the day, people just kind of drop out of your life sometimes. There have been plenty of people who I’ve said goodbye to and never see again. I just kind of wished that I could have had a proper goodbye at least. That’s how life goes though. If things go they way I want then I’m half way there. If not, then I have 7 more weeks of this fucking job. Either way this summer is going to be a fucking headache.