Things seem to be starting to go good for me. But im worried about bein happy n optimistic because feelin that way jinxes me and 2 bad things follow thru and set me back like 4 steps.
Seriously wonder what i did in a former life that made me live this cursed 1. Im honestly lookin forward to not bein homeless anymore but this move into this apartment is takin too long. Already been waiting 1 month n 3 wks. Living off fast food and gas station convenient foods/microwave meals has caused me to gain alot of weight cuz of high sodium/carb count. But its cheap so i get what i can to feed me n my kids. Once i move in im goin on a fruit and veggie binge. Fresh corn and tomatos are in season and i cannot wait! Always luv hittin up farmers stands and make my beloved vegetarian meals. Plus bein able to make my own coffee again will be nice. Non of these coffee shops know how to make coffee right. Nothin worse than a $5 cup of watered down or burnt sh*t :-p
My 1st appointment with my therapist went really well this past week. She thinks my life is interesting because of how traumatic and stressful it is. And again im called a “strong woman”. I really hate when people tell me that. Like there was even a choice not to be? Im the type of person who wants to die but i wanna come back just to prove i can do it and be like see look what u made me do. I guess youd call that narcassistic maybe?! Idk but yea a normal/sane person cant survive the horrible hell ive endured for over 3 decades. Mama didnt raise no quitter, but ill whine about it and hurt myself to cope. It is what it is.
1 comment
“It is what it is.” That about sums things up. Glad things are moving in a positive direction. I hope it continues. As for strength, well…we do what we have to do.