i’ve been having a lot of sleepless nights lately. thoughts just keep racing through my mind. i really don’t understand any of this. i’ve been entertaining my darkest thoughts lately. i’ve really gotten tired. i deleted my social media. i’m just so sick of it. it’s been raining a lot lately. i like the rain. sometimes i go out and just lie on the ground and stare at the sky and just let the rain drops hit me. i’ve thought of cutting off two fingers on my left hand. i feel so ill. i mean what the fuck is going on with me. it’s like i can’t go a day without thinking about ways i could self harm. i’m being forced to take several pills everyday. it’s really annoying. i’m feeling very irritated and exhausted. really fucking pathetic. i’m really sorry i’m like this. i really can’t help it. i’m so horrible.