i am 30 years old from New york queens. Gambling ruined my life along with a toxic relationship that completely sucked out my personality and changed me. Because of gambling, depression, and that relationship i now literally have no personality. I feel like i make people uncomftorable being around me because im always quite and barely talk and people notice that they tell me. Anyways ive been thinking about suicide for years im done living this way. im done being depressed and lonely and feeling misunderstood. I am officially done waking up everyday wanting to end my life and falling asleep everyday wanting to end my life. Next week i travel to colombia to spend 2-3 weeks there(Colombian woman have always been my favorite). Might aswell go enjoy before i die. Im flying to bolivia after colombia in prayers and hopes i find my peacefull pill. Ive tried to buy rope to hang myself but i just cant do it. finally found an “easy” painless way out but hopefully when i get to bolivia im sold the medication i need if not im going to have to man up and hang myself in another country. I already lost my job(because i left without notice since im ending my life), i owe over 15 grand to a bookie, and am just ashamed of myself. Wish me luck i need it
4 comments
I wish you were considering less drastic steps. Declaring bankruptcy can help get rid of debts, or wait seven years. Seven years is an amazingly small amount of time. I don’t buy into the whole addiction myth, powerless? You have the power to choose to live, that’s quite a bit of control.
I think if you talked to more people, you’d realize that addiction is something many struggle with, not a personal failing. You need the right treatment, and gods be praised you live in a state that approved the medicare expansion, which means mental healthcare will be provided to you at no cost to you.
That’s what I’d go with, dying is very hard. Living can be marginally less so. I’ve been there quite a few times, and all those pains eventually let up. Always remember that you are not required to give the rest of the world anything. We could be imaginary for all any of us know. You could buy a bed, put it in the middle of a far away room and sleep 20 hours a day. If a shorter life is what you seek, that’s an easy path. When you sleep the part of your brain responsible for awareness shuts down for hours at a time, so in what might feel like to you a few short years you could be at the natural end of your life.
Granted, that’s drastic skipping, I’ve never managed longer than a year in a row. I’m 33 now, but very much with clear memories of my late teens and early twenties, before I started blacking out for a year at a time. Where I am now? I’ll forget it, that’s an intentional design feature of the life I lead.
I understand where you’re coming from problem is it’s more than gambling. It’s my life… and u can’t go “bankrupt” because u owe a bookie and money gambling. It’s not credit card bills you know. I’m 30 and I’ve been bipolar and suffering from depression for years and I’m done with it. Gonna enjoy my 2-3 weeks in Colombia live it up fly to bolivia hopefully find what I need if not I’m fucked and will have to manage to hang myself. I can’t come back to ny once I leave because I will be leaving family behind, money owed, friends, quit my job, and disconnecting my phone the second I get on that plane so there’s really no coming back whatsoever
Hanging yourself is a horrible and painful way to go. There are only two completely painless ways. We’re in the same boat in wanting to exit this world, but choose a peaceful, painfree way. Can you delay your choice for a bit, do some research, acquire the supplies and materials you need, and choose a peaceful option? I understand wanting to enjoy your last days in Colombia, but I recommend that you do not follow that with the potential for a painful death if you can’t quickly find an easy solution in Bolivia.
escape2peace
If your that committed while your in other countries where no one knows you why don’t you create a new persona pretend your in a movie do some awesome fairy tale nice things for strangers and have a air of mystery im sorry I feel like It would be neat to travel and act anyway I like very liberating