I’m just sharing thoughts. From the perspective of a lost soul, unable to be free:
I got something to do, something that is supposed to be done by me. I’ll probably know what when the time comes…
Life ain’t this bad, it just temporarily feels unbearable, but with time it will get better. Maybe a normal life awaits, with love and children ( this is unimaginable in current state, but hey, I can dream).
This is a plan of god, so that the ones remaining true may enjoy eternity in heaven ( I personally think this one is good for a joke)
I will live to see something worth witnessing. ( sounds fun)
This life is just as difficult as the next one that comes after ( I like the thought of this, indicates there is much more than that we can see yet)
There is still something I got to do before I leave ( I like the simplicity of this)
There is nothing more to do, I’m just waiting for the proper exit to take (how I sometimes feel)
With leaving I would hurt some people, so I just stay a little longer ( the actual reality)
I’ll get revenge on some people. Then I’m done. ( the angry one)
I’ve been through enough, but I might help someone else not to go through similar shit if I stay a little longer ( the hopeful one)
Just one more day ( the hopeless)
Tonight I’ll be free again, for a brief moment. It’s a shame tomorrow will wake me, would it not be nice if we just could kept on dreaming ? ( the dreamer)
Currently, hell knows what keeps me going. I’ve been through some of those, and others I only wish I had. Any thoughts? What keeps you all going ? What is it you would like to keep you going ?
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Inertia keeps me going…. that and people saying no. I have several ideas of what would satisfy me, make life worth living, and they appear out of reach (which is how I can relate!)
I’d like to own a bit of land without debt, without an obligation apart from tax, which is low anyway. The reason this is currently out of reach is the amount of work needed to get my current dwelling to saleable condition.
so I’m doing my best not to rot away, keep my body and mind working in case they are needed or necessary again in the future. That’s the premise of this purgatory isn’t it? Waiting for better days that aren’t going to come? Waiting for death which definitely will, eventually.
My whole life hangs on that word; eventually. Eventually either things will make sense again, or I’ll be dead, and the liberation will be just as complete, just as total.
I think of killing oneself as kind of cheating in what I consider the only true human artform; dying in such a way as to be remembered. You’ll be remembered alright, but as a pain point, as a trauma. I’m already living with trauma, wouldn’t inflict it on others.