I reported a coworker for harassment and discrimination to HR after speaking to him directly, speaking to my management, and my management’s management with no improvement. All I have ever wanted was the sexist remarks and bullying to stop. Instead, I got years of horrible retaliation and more abuse.
I believed the mandatory training that says that good faith reports will not be retaliated against. Everything that the training said would not happen happened short of being fired, and they are trying that now.
I was stupid. I didn’t think about the fact that my abuser was extremely good friends with my immediate supervisor who was extremely good friends with our director.
I didn’t think about the fact that my supervisor had my director pull strings with HR to make exceptions to two previously cast iron policies that would prevented the hiring of my abuser.
It’s been three or so years of hell. My supervisor lied to HR to protect his friend. HR attacked me for the things that my supervisor and abuser lied about.
My supervisor told me that under no circumstances should I go back to my manager and HR. So, I went to him. He ghosted me. This was prior to the pandemic. He wouldn’t have one-on-ones with me. He was impossible to reach. He refused to even acknowledge IMs. And how could I disobey him given his close friendship with the director and all the lies he fed HR to discredit me and protect his friend?
The retaliation from management and HR has been epic. It’s been even worse than the original abuse. The thing about corporations is that if you are a woman and try to logically refute the stories told by people with more power than you, it backfires. Always. So I tried to keep my mouth shut and just submit to it,
People say get another job, but at some point you’re just broken. You’re just a husk.
I have never been in love with being alive. Now, I have a plan to die. I would prefer to die peacefully. However, the same power structures that make life untenable for many also make suicide unnecessarily painful by making it nearly impossible to procure real ********. Most of the stuff online is a scam.
So, I’m trying to work up the courage for a death that will not be peaceful or certain.