I get these moods where I want to just start telling people things I’ve felt/done/thought that is stuff I have kept to myself for ages and I don’t know why. I should keep it to myself, and I know that, but I have an impulsive strong desire to get it out there despite knowing reactions are likely to be poor.
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we’re wired to desire intimacy, probably a design flaw but there it is. Starve yourself of contact, understanding, you either crave it all the more or become entirely inward focused. It’s a kind of psychosis, ceasing to communicate, though only called that in extreme cases.
I confess a lot, to strangers, usually on here. Most of the time no one reads it, or at least gives no signal. It doesn’t matter, I have to discharge my secrets somewhere. That’s my method, I can’t be as pained internally and talk to people who know who I am. Therapy helps, even if it is a synthetic and paid up understanding, pathetic as that is.
“you either crave it all the more or become entirely inward focused.”
–Or both. That’s me in a nutshell. And like you, I spill my guts out here, bc where else can I? I can’t tell people I know.
But it’s also hard bc talking to people you don’t know sometimes doesn’t help either, bc they are not your friends, they’re not invested in listening to you or helping you, and anonymous ppl online can and do harass you or be mean to you, even if you write inocuous things, bc ppl and society in general have gone crazy.
so what do we do? we can’t talk to “friends” about it bc they don’t want to hear it, paid professionals cost $$$, and most aren’t that helpful anyway. posting anonymously only vents off some of the steam, and it can only scratch an itch, bc ppl online come and go, and they’re not really your friends, not everyone is nice to you, and yeah, online is so impersonal, like for ppl with long term issues.
anon online is great if you want to say something here and there and go. ppl create new accounts just for that, especially to post unpopular or incendiary stuff. but for ppl with Long-Term emotional or more complicated issues, posting anony online only does so much, bc no one is vested in reading or replying to you, or giving you any comfort. and even if they do, it’s limited.
Usually we keep secrets for a good reason. We know at best that people will not understand, at worst they will use the information against us. Despite society brainwashing us that we need to open up and let our feelings out all the time, that only works in bad afterschool tv shows.
definitely! ppl most certainly use the information against us, so best to keep your trap closed about things. the only “safe” place is to tell ppl anonymously, like here, but even then, that’s not fully “safe” either