Suicide Survivor

When I was about 12 years I took my first attempt at my life, lucky for me I didn’t cut deep enough. However this started the habit of cutting myself to have a feeling of “release” of my stress and depression. The reasoning for my depression was my mother, she neglected me most of my life and beat me, I still don’t know why she did this. I knew my dad would’ve taken her to court and let me stay with him because he loved me, but I stayed so my younger brothers wouldn’t have to deal with what she did to me. But I’m going to keep talking about what I’ve seen and how I got over or survived it. After my first attempt I kept cutting, then one day I went to a friends house and heard a gun shot, he had taken his own life without and reason as far as I knew. This marked my second attempt at my own life, I once again didn’t cut deep enough. About for months later I turned 13 and found another one of my friends hanging from his staircase. This marked my third attempt, this time I cut deeper than before but still not deep enough. Now today I’m 19 and I only tried one more time after that but my friend came into my house and stopped me before I could pull the trigger on my pistol. If you’re struggling with things like this you really need to try and find yourself that one person who truly cares about you, whether it’s a S/O or a best friend, but if it wasn’t for my friend I wouldn’t be in college and getting married in less than 8 months. So trust me when I say people care about you a lot more than you think they do. You just need to find that one person who shows that they care. And yes I still struggle with my issues I have nightmares about my loved ones killing themselves in the same way those friends I found did, but I’ve found the ones who truly care, everyone has someone like that.