My entire life I have been disrespected, treated like shit and been bullied by everyone I met to the point of attempting suicide. Many people told me I am an easy target and I am dumb as fuck and they thoroughly enjoyed putting me down. I have no friends, not a soul in this world who I can call if I am in a fight or a life-death situation. All this is because I am autistic and have no social skills.
Needless to say I hate most people after my great experiences with them. I have also developed cptsd and serious heart issues due to the severe mental traumas people inflicted on me over the years. I have lost most of my hair due to the emotional stress. I don’t think I am gonna live very long like this and don’t know what to do anymore. At this point I have nothing to live for. All that remains in my brain anymore is the looped videos of my past traumas playing in the background. I can’t get a job and the only reason I am alive is because my family feeds me.
There’s some part of me that wishes for revenge but I know I am too dumb to take revenge on anyone successfully, more likely I will just get myself fucked up in a physical altercation or get into very serious legal troubles. Karma is total BS and there’s no God, so I will never get any justice.
So yeah, just posted this to see what other people recommend me in this situation. Logically suicide is the only thing that makes sense at this point but I am still willing to hear other people’s opinions.
If you want to tell me that I am a beta ***** for not standing up for myself more often and letting so many ppl get away with messing with me, no need to comment. I tried it many times but standing up for myself never worked for me like it does for a normal person without autism.
What gets you excited/ gives you energy? That’s what to go for, anything that produces positive attention.
As someone autistic, you experience the world differently than others. Just because others don’t understand you doesn’t make you what they call you. You decide who you’re going to be.
I’m not here to talk you out of anything. If you come to the end of your search for meaning without sufficient reason to live, that’s as valid a conclusion as any. I think there’s more searching to be done, and from a utility of life standpoint it makes more sense to suggest trying than to discard an unexamined life.
another thing, a “job” does not make a person worthwhile, though it can be a source of satisfaction for some. People like to have something to work on, but it doesn’t have to generate income.
Here forward are some ideas for you, stuff you might try, and it might include stuff you haven’t thought of;
You could write short stories
You could grow a garden
you could learn to write software code
you could learn to make furniture
you could learn to do wiring on houses and other buildings
you could learn plumbing
You could get really into reading, books, articles, whatever
You could go on long walks
you could ride a bicycle all over the place
you could play cards
you could play board games
you could get into dog training
you could get into weight lifting
you could explore cooking
you could get into baking
you could get into astronomy
and there’s probably more I haven’t thought of. Everything I listed I know for a fact is rewarding, emotionally, to me or someone I know very well. That doesn’t necessarily mean it will be for you, but you won’t know if you don’t try.
Username checks out. OP made a post about a life or death situation and you just told him to try new hobbies?
agree entirely that what I said, much like life, can be considered pithy and pointless.
Distraction is the best I’ve got, for whatever that’s worth. My goal was to make the OP feel less alone. Whether I was successful is yet to be seen, honestly it’s hard to tell up front which posts will go entirely unanswered and which ones won’t. If I had foreknowledge that other people had more relevant advice, I probably wouldn’t have replied.
I am so sorry you are going through this. This world is clearly a very sick and twisted place. Anyone who denies this is either lying or very naive. If you are really serious about going the revenge route, I suggest you go for it. Go to the gym, get really buff, learn krav maga and beat the shit out of them. After all, if you are really suffering so much that you want to die, at least you can die trying to hurt the people responsible for your situation. I am all about an eye for an eye. Yup karma definitely doesn’t exist. At the end it’s your choice, again I am very sorry all this happened to you. Wish I could help you more
I feel for you dearly. I have befriended an autistic woman recently (IRL this time) and I adore her so much. She’s also been bullied out of a workplace and that made me mad as hell.
Obviously I can’t know, what you are like but I believe when paired up with someone easygoing, you’d find that you hold more social skills than most of the others I’ve met.
Sometimes I cannot think of anything (smart) to say for the life of me, so this struggle of awkward silence or random blabbering is pretty real to me too.
And ouch, the past haunts us like the prey that we are.. Your physical pain due to that is extreme too. I’ve recovered from these memories, that made my body ache, but I won’t lie, it took many years. Plus I’m certain they show up unknowingly in some avoidant thought patterns.
Anyways, you need a completely different environment of human beings. Give yourself the chance, to discover who you are, when there’s people that respect you as a whole.
The fact, that you are able to carry that amount of ache, makes you a sensitive & thoughtful soul and that means, you cannot be bad at all. The others can’t grasp your capabilities, they love to foolishly live a life without any self-reflection. Well maybe get some of that, because your mind needs a break too 🙂