I am so tired of being sad and tired. I do not want to be alive anymore, but I am stuck in this place of fear and guilt. i am scared to give up, as I worry about my grandparents and family’s reactions. I do not care about myself much anymore. I act like I do, but every act feels forced and I am exhausted. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I do not have any plans to commit, but I do wonder sometimes. I just want this pain to end. To live is to suffer, and the only way to end my suffering is to not exist. I am exhausted so so so exhausted and no one understands. Its been this way for years, and despite exterior things getting better, I still have a huge hole of sadness in my soul. It is who I am to the core. I want to just give up and become one with the darkness that is trying to take me over. I need help, I want help, but I am scared to accept help. Everything feels forced.
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i say get the the help. it can be scary but do it afraid. like nike says just do it.
therapy. meds. exercise. do all the stuff. see if it works for you. gotta do it consistently for at least 3 months. that 30 days stuff is BS. so get a list of allllllll the many things they say help depression. pick some that you can do. get a therapist to help you with it. get meds. do them for 3 months consistently. if you stop for more than a week, gotta start over.
see if it works. it might. it might not. never know until you try.
there are many ways to get free therapy. if you work your job can help. if you are in school they can as well. no need to say WHY you want to see a therapist. it is 2023. errrybody goes to therapy.