Way to go, James

You did it again, and you failed again. You tried with visine, all your eggs in that basket. What little hope ending this life has to offer was in visine. But, the cat’s out of the bag isn’t it? You had to open your mouth on the calculated risk that they wouldn’t add 2 and 2 together and get 4. Well you gambled, and you LOST. As usual. Disappointment doesn’t begin to cover what you are, what your life is, what you will always be. One. Big. Fuck up.

Kara confronted you. She’s the one that put it together. The variable you didn’t count on. Way to go, James. Way to go.
No one screws up like you do, no one misses a huge variable like you do. How stupid can you be? Were you born that way so it comes naturally or do you have to work at it?

You played it perfectly when you heard the voices for weeks at a time. The voices drove you to near insanity. You got respite instead of inpatient at a hospital. Perfect. You assumed the “therapist” would be bound by HIIPA to not disclose methods. Good play. But you completely muffed it on blabbing about the visine.

Now Kara thinks you’re going to check out at any moment. Well it’s not far from the truth. She says “how could you think of doing something like that to us? We need you”. Well here’s the facts. When checking out is on your mind, nothing else matters. When checking out is on your mind, all that matters is finding and executing a successful method. You would have had one if you hadn’t opened your mouth. You fucking moron.

So what now? She is going to have you committed to the nut farm. They’ll put you on all kinds of psychotropics that will ruin your mind and then you won’t listen to reason. So here we are. Again. A repeat of the past, trying to get you to listen to reason before you get thrown in the nut farm and forced to take medications that will erase the voices of reason in your sad existence.

Except one thing. You have a job. Good going, but you’re probably going to lose that too, because that’s what you do.

Now your mother is on your case. That’s just perfect. Ever since your dad died, she thinks somehow you’ve become him. Dear God, I hope not. I hope you wouldn’t look the other way while your child deals alone with the torment of being sexually assaulted every day for years, then when it is finally proven beyond being able to dismiss it, punish the victim while putting the assailant on a pedestal. Dear..God. I hope not. I hope you wouldn’t turn into the man who knew you were being bullied at school and all he could say was “don’t you get in a fight”. No other advice. Just don’t fight. Real helpful.

Stupid! Stay on point. Your mother. She thinks you have all the answers and she’s as delusional as you are. You have no answers. You’re so stupid you couldn’t solve a basic math problem much less solve the complexities of a clinically depressed woman behaving irrationally chasing every whim that blows by in a passing breeze.

You have pissed us off, James and now we will not leave you alone until we’ve pushed you to the point of no return. Soon. Take your rest. Soon, we will do you the eternal favor. But see it won’t all us. We will push you, but you will gladly do it to yourself just to be rid of us and your miserable pathetic excuse for an existence. Soon.