What once was by Her’s is a song i always find myself going back to. When I lost my brother roughly a month after losing my dad I didn’t know how to rightfully process the grief I was experiencing.
I remember just being in my bathroom and putting on a random playlist (because am I really showering if I don’t blast music) and this song came on, I can’t explain exactly what it was that I felt but it was everything I needed in that moment. I cried (i had cried previously) but it wasn’t the same, it was different, it felt different. I don’t know if this is going to make any sense but even tho I knew they were gone prior to that moment it hadn’t really settled down that they were truly gone.
I often and i mean almost always go back to this song whenever I’m in a bad place and it’s the song I’m currently listening to while writing this.
I’m in a very dark place and I’m worried I might not get out of this one.
I don’t know where to begin but I have so much to say. Does this ever happen to you? Having so much to talk about that when it’s time to do the actual talking you can’t really say anything?
Nevertheless one thing I’m certain of is that, I’m not happy, I’m not okay, but I want to be okay I just don’t know how.
I want to say my life is not a mess but the more I think about it the more I realise that I’ve been lying, not only to everyone but mostly, to myself, because nothing going on in my life right now is “okay”.
I’m debating if I should start from the beginning beginning or just talk about what’s happening right now, it would be better to start from the beginning because it will help you better understand everything that’s going on right now but it’s just so much…ugh…i don’t know.
Anyways I will be limiting my word count to 400< because I don’t want my posts to be too long.
This will be all for now, may we talk again and very soon!