almost formed a plan…

12/19/2022

i’m so tired. i’m 19 going on 20 years old and i’ve done absolutely nothing to show for it. i’m a quitter – i’ve quit on everything and everyone in my life except for the shitty drugs and the sex, the DIY piercings, the self-harm… i quit on everything that actually mattered.
i’m not going to ever get better. my bpd’s gonna strangle me the rest of my life.. so what’s the fucking point? might as well beat it to the punch, and sign off.

if a therapist were to evaluate me at this moment, i’d be fucked. grippy socks on, shoelaces stolen, medications locked away. “Have you had thoughts of suicide within the past month?” every day. “Do you have a plan?” kinda. almost.

^that right there, that’ll be the end for me. as someone who’s been in/out of treatment centers 4 times, i’m over it.

signing off.