lately every time i take a step forward, something throws me back 3 steps. [background; long story short, my father killed himself when i was 5, i blamed myself, mother got into an abusive relationship and got on drugs. when i was 11 i moved with my aunt, (somehow got even worse) ive had drugs pushed on me the whole time here, lots of drinking and fighting, lying to police, etc.,, i was treated like a slave and belittled by my cousins for 4 years. so so much more that i cant even begin to explain.] The first time i tried to kill myself was when i was 10, i chickened out when i saw my little brother but nothing else woudlve stopped me. Next times were when i was 13, tried slitting my wrists, then 14, overdosing. Im only 15, which no need to say but, thats sad. Ive proven to myself many times that im not afraid to die, but afraid of whats after. I want to go to New York, travel out of country , work at an animal shelter, adopt a kid, and much more. The only thing stopping me now is what if i somehow cant do those things after i die? Would it be worth it to do it regardless?—its safe to say im not one of the newgen mentally ill kids, this is my first time opening up about this so i doubt its for attention. Writing all this could be useless but i guess atleast ill be telling some of my story, if it works this time.
—thank you to whoever may be reading this, best of luck to everyone whos come across this place.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
2 comments
Hi there, in case no one has ever told you the obvious: it’s NOT your fault that your parents made bad decisions. No 5, 10 or even 15 year old kid should ever get the blame for family issues.
I think it’s really cool that there are things you want to do in life. The goals you listed are all noble things. Do we get a 2nd chance if we end this life? That’s the million dollar question. On good days I sorta believe in reincarnation, or some transference of our consciousness to a new body. But even if that’s true, the chances are slim that you’ll get the same opportunities if you randomly plop into a new body.
At least that’s the thought that’s keeping me here (for now).
You got a sucky start in life. And your current situation might not be much better. But why not hold on, at least until you can accomplish 1 of your goals and feel what success is like?
Maybe start with the easiest one, traveling somewhere. New York is cool, especially if you do it with friends. Same thing with other countries, after graduation I went with a couple friends to Spain and it was one of the highlights of my life.
We can’t know if you get a 2nd chance after this life. But one thing is for sure, you can still use this life to do some of those things. As long as you’re here I say go for it!
I hope it’ll be worth it. It’s a pretty dark place you’re coming from, and it isn’t your fault. It’s hard when adults don’t apologize, it feels like maybe you’re the one that’s wrong. Well, on behalf on the adults in your life I think they should apologize.
It’s little joys that keep most of us going. My dogs do a lot for me, because I need to be needed, and they do need me. It’s up to you to figure out who you want to be, what success looks like.
But like I’m always saying to myself, that’s too big picture. Let’s work on now. What do you need now? Get through today, then do the same thing every day until it gets better. Making today survivable is the path to peace.