Around the time I was trying to create an efficient reply to “People don’t magically get better” I got a message that chilled me to the bone. Apparently my former boss at the electrician gig was extending an offer of work to me.
Years of conditioning, as well as my present unpleasant economic reality meant that my gut was to take it. That little rebellious voice in my head said “wait on it, think on it” and though it froze me out of all action the rest of the night…. I succeeded at resisting.
This morning, half awake, I tried to reconcile my issues. What I realized about this, and several other struggles I’ve had lately, would improve my material wealth (possibly), but come at the expense of my self respect. I had been writing about how progress is often slow and discouraging in my response to the previously mentioned post, when I realized I should take my own advice.
That’s where I sit now; unless I can be assured my dignity, I’ll decline the “opportunity”. I have too much to lose, both in terms of emotional well being and physical progress.
I still have no idea how I’ll explain this to my loved ones, if it comes up. I hope it doesn’t, but I’m trying to make a contingency plan for such a reality.
Honestly, I had hoped I could keep the whole thing quiet, that I’d be able to recenter on my own. Alas, so far that has lead to a swelling of anxiety. Maybe, hopefully, this will salve my ego and allow me to move forward working on things that have an assured return.
8 comments
Update; 1; I finished replying to that post, because that’s significant (sarcasm, I’m feeling sassier lately)
2; I went ahead and talked to my wife about it, and she’s supportive, mostly because I didn’t give her much of a choice. Valuable thing being authoritative, if people already trust and like you it’s really easy to manipulate their responses…. and that’s another very sociopathic response…… meh.
I see my new therapist on Tuesday… so there’s that.
The question is, how much more money is it? It sounds like it’s somewhat more money but not enough to want to go back. Are you “happy” at your current job? If yes, then stay. If not…well you won’t be happier at either job but the other one will pay more. You could always tell your old boss, thanks for the offer but the pay isn’t worth the extra stress or something and see if he makes a higher counteroffer.
but well you’ve already made your mind so guess the extra stress isn’t worth the extra pay (or not enough to make it worthwhile).
the bigger issue is that there isn’t an actual offer of more, it’s the same as I got before. Right now I’m essentially retired. My investments I made when I was younger mature at a faster rate than anyone is willing to pay me, and if I go back to work I neglect those investments and they lose value.
It’s the “right to work” conundrum. Right to work means that in my state workers have no rights at all. If a job is unpleasant, the law says you can quit. So when you reach a certain amount of infirmity, you are prematurely retired, no pension, just whatever you managed to save during the productive years.
I’ve been working on trying to explain this to healthy people most of my life. They’re baffled; they have jobs, and not once have they been hounded until they quit. Okay, once, but that was a statistical anomaly surely, SURELY?!
It’s what we’ve been writing back and forth about for a few weeks; the cold indifference of the ordinary, the healthy, the “useful.”
I tried with all I had to be one of them, and the cost of entry was still more than I had. Regular people don’t realize how precious their health is. If they did, they’d demand better health insurance, and pay and next thing you know there’s a union, because unions stand for all those nasty workers rights that conservatives are so frightened of.
Sometimes I’ll be passing by one of them, a red hat or other variety, and I’ll whisper in their ear; “Communism, socialism, workers rights, Obama and Jimmy Carter”
I try not to get political, it’s been a self preservation thing, but today I really let myself loose to explore my emotions regarding how screwed I was by having the misfortune to have graduated high school in the state I did. I hate American conservatives, and not really on an us vs Them basis. I’ll never be healthy enough or uneducated enough to be like them, they baffle me, selfish little jerks. Must be nice.
“My investments I made when I was younger mature at a faster rate than anyone is willing to pay me, and if I go back to work I neglect those investments and they lose value.”
–>What kind of investments? Kind of confused what investments need to be constantly maintained? Stocks and such require not much effort. Real estate I guess if you have to maintain many properties, though most ppl just pay others to do the maintenance work…
Well, just the one house, and the cars. The house is older and takes a fair amount of work to keep up. I’m pretty handy, can do most of the work myself if I have the energy
well if you can swing not working, then kudos to you. seems like that offer of the same old salary isn’t great. it’d be different if it was a much higher amount, in which case you might actually go back. but same flat salary? nah.
“I really let myself loose to explore my emotions regarding how screwed I was by having the misfortune to have graduated high school in the state I did.”
–>Oh you have no idea how I mull over my misfortunes. I am screwed by 1- having the misfortune to be born at the year I was, 2-in the country that I was, 3- and then to leave and come to the US at a particular time that wasn’t good in a city that was shitty and harsh. Then I graduated right into a recession, so FML.
Despite all that shit I managed to get a decent job at a prestigious place. Then I got whiplash which fucked up my sleep and I quit. I went state to state, city to city for a few years, then wound up in CA, few months after I move here, an asshole speeding didn’t stop at the red light so my life is basically fucked bc of that asshole. and no, i did not get any settlement bc the fucking cop was a piece of shit and screwed me over.