When will people realize that the things they say hurt?
Like…
I honestly feel like I’m the problem in almost all scenarios where there is a problem and I am involved or near it. And sometimes it feels as though I have no control over being happy. I’ll try and try over and over again, I get myself there and find myself finally in this good place.. And then, crack… That steep staircase I just climbed, crumbled to the ground. Then do it all over again, and again. But to think about it.. When the staircases keep crumbling under you, its a huge weight of pressure of the failure, the failure to be better.. for anyone.. to see you being actually better..
When do the stairs just not start to crack?
I always try to improve how I am by the route I choose to take my actions, and the way I have been watching tone and volume when speaking to people. To go out a few weeks later and have someone assume you were going to do something, when the thought never even crossed my mind? To just feel so low about myself already, and then know that someone else still sees me that way, is just one of those staircases crumbling on me.
Am I out of my mind? Do they just not understand?
The brain, just gives you those intrusive thoughts. — You’ll never be good enough, they are going to abandon you like everyone else when you’re just “too much” again. Those thoughts that always want to keep trying to tear you down, those cracks that just keep adding and adding until It all comes crashing down.
This is a mess, kinda like my head.
I’m trapped inside my head.