I’ve really let myself fall back into drinking. I don’t think I’ve ever drank as hard as I have in recent months.
I’ve been sober for 3 days now but I’ve got bad social anxiety and I’m tempted to drink again but I think if I do that, I might end up in the Emergency Room soon if not dead in bed.
A few nights ago I couldn’t get out of bed the whole day because I was sweating and shaking really badly. I kept hearing screaming every time I would try to fall back asleep so my sleep wasn’t really sleep.
Moving kind of hurts my liver. I don’t know why I’m even contemplating having another drink. I just want this pain to stop.
I lost my ID before I returned home. I lost it out in some huge dirt field. I had slept there 3 nights ago. Just today I decided to go try and look for my ID and a debit card. I couldn’t find them, but I did find 2 unopened 42oz bottles.
I just hope I got the job where I recently applied. I trained there for 8 hours and then they paid me in cash at the end for my time. They asked me if I liked it and I said “yes”. They told me they’d let me know if they wanted to come back for 2nd trial day. Apparently there’s like 3 days of this but I haven’t received a call yet and it’s making me worried. I fear maybe they didn’t like my performance.
I also said some really messed up things to my mom and brother. I went so far as to tell them that I was gonna end my life intentionally. I apologized to them once I sobered up but I still feel great shame.
All of this just makes me want to chug down those bottles. But I think I’m getting warning signs of some deeper issue. I don’t wanna die like this but what if it’s too late already. What if this aching on my right side means I’m already gonna die?
2 comments
Sounds like something you need to get checked out as soon as you can. It seems unlikely it’d be fatal in the short term, but you could look at it this way: if it is, then you’ve been given an out that won’t cause the kind of devastation to your family that suicide can. If it isn’t, then you’ve been given another chance at life. Either way, better to know as soon as possible, to minimize the amount of pain you go through. Hope it all works out for you.
if you feel like your liver has been punched, it’s bc it has. figuratively. you should try to drink some electrolytes. it won’t take away the pain but it will hydrate you. and you are definitely dehydrated after all that alcohol. plain water won’t re-hydrate you, even if you chug a gallon bottle of water.