i was diagnosed with CPTSD 2 years ago. it stemmed from my ex. sexual assault and attempted rape. i met someone january 2022, he’s been my boyfriend since july 2022. we still havent had sex. he says he doesnt mind, which i believe: i know other people around us think its weird though (they don’t know what im still suffering with). i know its weird though. i mean fuck ive had a bf for over a year and still freeze when we go to have sex because of my past. whats wrong with me? it cant be normal at this rate. im scared my past has ruined my future. i want to do it but its like my body doesnt let me. am i broken beyond repair? please help. any response is appreciated
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Hello. I’m so sorry that that horrible thing happened to you. I can’t imagine what it must be like to go through that.
Regarding weather or not you’re weird for not wanting to have sex at this point in time, I don’t think it’s strange. I also don’t believe you are broken either. I just think you need time to really heal. I’m also really happy to hear that you found a partner that understands. He must really care about you. If this issue really bothers however, maybe talk to him about it. Maybe together you can come up with something and start to try things really slow. At a pace you are comfortable with. It also wouldn’t hurt if the both of you talk to a specialized therapist about this.
*shrug* what is even normal anymore? you’d be surprised by how many people struggle with sex, even with someone they love. I’m one of them. the medications I’m on, and my health…. I don’t get to give my wife attention when I want to…
so I’m getting my health in order…. and she’s being patient, bless her. Point is, put yourself in order, work through whatever issues are there, that IS the normal approach to such things. I’d also point out that there are other forms of intimacy, even though our bedroom life is subpar, we physically touch a lot, whether it be hugs or kisses. I want to let her know that I still care… and I think she gets the message.
IDK, because I’m settled in…. haven’t been single in a decade, so maybe I don’t know what’s normal among dating people…. No one is completely broken. The worst I ever heard about was a man who lost the ability to be aroused due to an operation. Now that sucks, but he found ways to care for his partner….. if he can, why can’t we?
getting over that kind of trauma takes time, and I second what JD said about perhaps seeking out a specialist.
JD and HV are right on with their comments.
It’s not weird and you shouldn’t judge yourself harshly. Let your relationship progress at a pace that is right for you, not what the world says it should be. It’s yours, not theirs.
It is enough to focus on intimacy, which builds upon mutual trust. Just leave intercourse out of the equation for now. That should take the freak out factor out of the equation so you can enjoy the closeness you share.
Therapy could possibly help. Trauma can do a lot to a person. Especially if it had something to do with something sexual. You’re just not ready yet. Wait till the time comes. Medication and therapy would be your best bet. Trauma can take time and sometimes it can stick for the rest of your life. When the time comes and you feel comfortable to make that step, just take things slow and don’t force yourself to do it. Only if you feelnur ready.