foolishness or courage?

I may have found another path that I can do without the danger of relocating, but I have to wonder if I’m being brave or stupid.

The whole finding the job in my dream location has gotten me back on the social work path. There frankly aren’t a lot of options for someone with a psychology degree who doesn’t want to live in the city. Not that the city is working so well either, but cities in general are getting expensive. It’s why this move is the smart financial decision, that is the move out of state and outside of major metro areas. The social work angle is one that I’m conflicted about.

To stop beating around the bush, I reapplied to work for the state child welfare organization, the same one I burnt out of a year and a half ago. Different department, but will that make the difference? No way to know but to try. Getting desperate enough to consider gig work was a wake up call, I’m only doing this exit on my terms with more funding, and selling my time is still the most reliable way to get that.

I argued all the good reasons I’m doing it with myself today. Yet here I sit, unable to sleep, worried about whether I’m making the right decision. The pay went up, that makes a difference. I guess the big difference is that this time I am intentionally putting the job into the stepping stone role. I’m using them every bit as much as they’d be using me. Perhaps more, because I have no intention of staying any longer than I have to, no matter what they do or say. The gamble is that they need me bad enough to accept those terms.

So I’m not giving them as much power and control, and I’m ready to walk out if they push me on my boundaries. That’s the difference. I was going to have coffee with a friend in the morning, but turned out he had to work, so I don’t have anyone else to talk with about it.