just realized this is another self deception. i’m here not saying how i really feel. i’ve deceived myself very well.
it’s not i who thinks i’m a joke. i don’t think i’m a joke. i think others are a joke. and that’s the thing i need to work on.
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ah you’ve activated my contrarian mode; humans are, in my experience, pretty much a joke. They say silly things like “you can depend on me”, “I value your contributions” and other tripe that if even slightly stress tested are proven to be complete hokum.
But wait, there’s more, because it takes a particular level of joke to take a purpose build solution, and entirely break it. The solution I speak of is economics. All that economics is for is to arrange the ‘best’ application of scarce resources. Yet people who already have more resources than they can ever use keep soaking the system for ‘surplus’ resources. I say ‘best’ and ‘surplus’ because I don’t see how a system that leaves half of humanity starving can be effective. It isn’t surplus if you are taking food out of the mouth of the starving to put into the mouth of the fat bulimic whale.
It’s similar to the problem I have, I don’t trust people. The problem is that people aren’t particularly worthy of trust. They’re rather useless, predictively speaking.
Out of five years of university and 12 years of private sector experience the best assessment remains from my junior year “Statistics for social sciences” professor’s words; “Just because you have paranoid thoughts doesn’t mean that others aren’t out to get you.”
except even that would be easier. I wish I had met a substantial sample of humans with the clarity of vision to intentionally mess up as much as they do. It’s flat incompetence. Incompetent people are a joke; you pay them, and they laugh at you for being so foolish.
in relation to your response: i guess i just don’t understand the concept of laughing at the world’s problems or them being funny in any way. i understand what you mean when you say parts of the world are ineffective, but using the word “joke” or describing it as laughable just doesn’t work for me. i guess it implies your superiority but i find the concept of “superiority” to also be wrong. it just means you’re doing something better, which other people can do and are just not doing at the moment. on some level i’m really fascinated with what i uniquely bring to the table, but i think the really important things are things that everybody can do, barring physical or mental disability. even you describing yourself as “high intellect” looking at your previous posts – i would rather describe you as someone who is educated and isn’t emotionally troubled enough to engage in that education… i find most of the world’s problems to be people not being willing, or being divisive
I’m a fool, like anyone else who claims to understand. And that is the fool’s function, to laugh, satirize and mock. Once I sought to be more than a fool, and that’s why I think the title of fool is well earned, I wasted massive resources in the peak mental and physical performance of my life, trying to crack the code of why people are unwilling to change. I failed, and it is somewhat arrogant of me to assume others will as well.
but I was the most foolish that I didn’t listen to the wise voices from the past. Many, many have tried to crack this problem. It might be premature to say they failed, but they haven’t succeeded yet.
I don’t know if I’ll ever get up and try again. To some extent, for protective reasons, I’ve treated that past me, the one with ambition, drive and desire to change things, as dead. Any insistance otherwise is naught but a ghost of who I was. Who am I now? just a has been, or worse a never was.
that’s what keeps my flesh alive anyway, which is the part certain people seem to care about. I don’t see that what I have to give enters into the equation, because I offered it previously and it didn’t generate sufficient interest to keep going down that path.
I really have been a tremendous fool, and I don’t even know whether it is wise to regret that past foolishness, or to lean in and admit how truly…. absurd I find things.
absurd is probably a better word than funny for it. Albert Camus offered up a philosophy of the absurd in Myth of Sisyphis; that effort is often futile, conditions follow no logic, and existence itself is the great absurdity of them all; to put thinking creatures into such a trap….. the absurdity is astounding. The fundamental paradox of meaning and meaninglessness, hope and despair
any laughter is the laughter of the outcast, how silly one feels when one sees and can never belong. To have tried though? was it of value? or was it just another silly act of a foolish mind?
people don’t change because a circumstance works for them, or they think it works for them, or it’s something about their autonomy. for example, ‘autistic’ people do not like it when people speak to or walk up to them unprompted…
i think everything can be gamed
You’re afraid of words you spilled out, afraid they will become permanent and define you which you know isn’t fully true. I’ve faced that dilemma too. But still, spilling words out does help. It eases the burden, changes us in positive ways. Know that others also don’t read and take words as 100% characteristic. They know they’re written by a fallible person just like them.