Everyone is stronger than me.

So many of my friends have had such, such difficult lives before I met them and even still now. They’re so much stronger than me for living through their issues. One friend works to provide for their family, and has been since they were sixteen (twenty now). They’ve provided over 7k to their shitty parents who don’t value them nearly enough (they don’t even have a bedroom) and one of which is a druggie.

Why are they able to go on? They’re very traumatized, I know, but they go on. They’re not even suicidal and they told me they haven’t even ever considered self-harm.

So why am I just so much less mentally? Why am I so weak? I couldn’t do what they did in their situation. I’m suicidal. I feel the need and want to self harm. Objectively, though, my life has been cushy as fuck compared to theirs.

How dare I be so weak, so unable, and so prone to causing pain and worry to those I care about due to said weakness?

I’m a piece of shit. I don’t understand how people like this friend can stand my existence. Maybe that’s just another reason why they’re better than me. I’d hate knowing someone like me if I’d lived and proven myself through such tough times.

That’s just one person, too. There are many others, but they’re the one I think of the most when I think of how pathetic I am.

Does knowing that make me any less pathetic? No. Does working to improve myself maybe? Not to me. Would anything? I don’t think so at this point.