I’m 20 years old and a freshman in university, and yet I feel like I’m failing as an adult already. I have little job experience and I’m trying to find a job currently (with no success), I have no car or license because of my first time going to inpatient my senior year and I have no money to my name. I am barely getting by right now and I don’t know what I’ll even do in the future. I don’t have much of a will to live or to graduate, but I’m still dragging myself through it. If I had the opportunity to kill myself with causing no pain to my family, I would’ve done it months ago. I feel like a lazy piece of shit because I don’t have a job still. I just wish I could be the man I need to be, to just finally set down my problems and anxiety and just live like a normal person. But I know I can’t. I know that I will be autistic till the end of my days, fumbling through every social interaction, and always resenting myself for speaking up.
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3 comments
dude i’m 24 and i’m not even in uni. maybe it’s comforting to know that i’m much more of a “drain on society” than you are. also, being autistic definitely has its struggles, but there is a community out there for you. rooting for you and your mental peace/success.
well it took me until age 33 to graduate, so already (assuming you’re passing classes), you’re ahead of me. I was never able to have a side job when I was in school, so I don’t think it’s lazy. Then again, I have an overall negative attitude towards the job market, not engaging with it isn’t lazy to me, it’s self preservation.
Also, you didn’t say anything about marrying a woman who ended up cheating on you and leaving you, so you’re doing better in that regard as well than I was at 20 (okay, 21, but damn close).
The 20s are a big mess for most people in my observation. If you make it out of your 20s without a serious addiction problem, crushing debt, or an ex spouse you’re doing pretty well.
Just know it’s short, you’ll be 30 before you know it, and when you do get to 30 people will expect you to have more of your life together.
I agree with the others. Your life is barely starting. I understand the lack of motivation and the feeling of being aimless. I guess the best advice I got is to keep chipping away at what you’re doing now with uni. Hopefully things click into place, but if they don’t you have time to pivot. I hope things get better.